We are adults. We know that life is not a Maintain a Relationship Disney fairy tale, and feelings are not an artificial fern that does not need to be cared for, and that will remain in a pot anyway – as green and as strong as when you brought it from the store. Ba! If ecologists are to be believed, even when thrown in the trash, it will last 450 years. We are aware that the problems left behind our backs are only an introduction to those temporarily obscured by pink glasses. We know that love does not last forever. The only thing we don’t know is how to care for a relationship.
If it were obvious, it wouldn’t be full of couples whose history is the perfect example of destruction, and their will to be together burns out as quickly as the gasoline in the YourLatinMates.com tank of the old Volga. There would also be no couples who think that it is enough to mash pork chops for dinner and buy bouquets of roses without an occasion to have a perfect relationship.
Yes, it might be nice, but caring for a relationship is about something else, seven other things to be precise.
1. If you want to maintain a relationship, focus on overcoming problems together
Obvious, right? After all, a relationship, by definition, is something that affects two people. It has also been known since antiquity that life is a sinusoid, in which the moment when it is beautiful and comfortable means that challenges will soon come.
The queue of these challenges is long:
- Working out the rules of living together
- Finishing an apartment or building a house
- The birth of a child
- Drowning savings in a failed business
- A trip abroad for a contract lasting several months
- Disease of a loved one
You can then accuse yourself of lack of competence. Argue that the furniture was supposed to be “Scandinavian white” and not “white wine”. You can treat someone like a punching bag and take unhealthy pleasure from feeling each blow acutely. Finally, you can also run away because it’s easier that way.
This is not particularly strange. You can prepare for a math quiz, but not for problems. Everything we do here is new. We don’t know what feelings this will make us feel. Maintain a Relationship Milan Kundera summed it up well by saying that “life is always like a sketch. But even a sketch is not an Maintain a Relationship appropriate term, because a sketch is always an outline of something, a preparation for a picture, while a sketch that is our life is a sketch without a picture, a sketch for something that will not be. “
And although we do not know how we will cope or how our reality will change, one thing does not change – the most important thing is to ask: “Ok. It’s hard, but how can we deal YourLatinMates with it? ” Together and with support. After all, when a cesspool floods your yard, it’s better to ask how to get rid of it than to debate who and why should do it, right?
2. Caring for a relationship is substituting yourself at the head of the key – Maintain a Relationship
Geese are really smart animals. I wrote about it once, but now I will repeat it. When they fly in the wrench, the goose in front overcomes the greatest resistance to air. It is tiring, so it cannot do it all the time, otherwise it would collapse from exhaustion and only a small part of the herd would reach its destination. Therefore, when it gets tired, another goose replaces it, taking on the main burden of tearing the air.
The same is true for humans, except that unlike geese, humans don’t want to change. They don’t accept that even if the other person doesn’t have a gram of fat, Maintain a Relationship they can’t be carried around all the time. They have trouble catching the proportions and always overestimate their contribution to the relationship. (Scientific research shows that the sum of the subjectively assessed contributions always exceeds 100%). They are not ready to replace someone and instead say that they did not sign up for it and want to fly in second position. But if you want to take care of a relationship, you should say two things: “You’re doing great. Thank you “and:” Rest. Now I will go ahead ”.
Do you know why? Because there are few as important things as knowing that for the moment you may not be a hero in your home and that your home will still be standing.
3. Do you want your relationship to stay alive? Create new memories – Maintain a Relationship
If in a movie you want to show couples with nothing left between them, except a thin thread of attachment, you do it in one way.
He and she are beautiful, young and sad. They exchange casual, meaningless remarks with each other: “Put on a different tie. Buy buns. What time do you get up tomorrow?” They don’t even look at each other. Their attention is drawn to the view outside the window or the pale electric light of the smartphone. They always go to the same places – to the same theater and to the same restaurant. They order the same wine and the same dishes. And to tell you the truth, no matter how sophisticated each of these things is, make the whole picture empty.
You can guess that it was in these places that they fell in love with each other. They were still talking to each other back then. Laughed. They touched under the table. Maintain a Relationship They exchanged wet, clumsy, teenage perfect kisses.
Later they just wanted to keep this moment. They made endless prints of the same experience, each of them paler and worse.
They forgot that experiences cannot be stopped. You can only create new ones. That’s why it’s not worth pressing replay. Better to learn to say, “Let’s go do something new.”
4. How to care for a relationship? Don’t build barriers
At what point do you think people stop having sex? Or when do they stop being the first person to whom they tell about their day? Or when they stop helping each other spontaneously and compliments her?
Some will say that when the phase of falling in love is over, when they already know each other well, when they no longer care, or when they no longer have time.
It happens, but I have another answer: When will they be rejected for the first time. Moving away from yourself is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it usually starts with the first: “Not now, I’m tired.” The beginning of rejection is focusing more on the game than on her telling you about what moved her today. It starts by saying, “I’ll do it better.”
These are all trifles, but trifles build up barriers. Such behaviors mean that talking, having sex and helping ceases to be something natural and becomes something that is planned. Later, before taking the initiative, the analysis begins: “Are you sure he has time? Is this a good time? Are there no other plans? ”
Finally comes the day when no offer is made any more, why risk another push? Maybe a tender push away, with a smile and a kiss, but still a push away.
Therefore, think about what you want to experience in the relationship. List what you want it to consist of. From what gestures, from what behavior and what to experience. Then start letting them in, even if they are a bit crooked, a bit imperfect, not always comfortable. Let him fold her clothes crookedly, let her disturb you with her chattering sometimes. Sex does not always have to look like from the Kamasutra textbook, because naked, it’s even fun to lie down.
Treat all these activities like money – you might prefer millions, but you don’t throw away a fiver in your pocket that you haven’t worn long pants.
5. Caring for someone is to avoid hurting them
They say there’s nothing better than putting up with after an argument. Preferably in bed. Accompanied by pizza and wine. At this point, the negative emotions are being replaced by the positive ones, and the emotional rollercoaster is racing like in an amusement park.
It sounds good, so let me tell you how it works …
Did not work.
People cannot forgive, and even less often they can forget. Disrespect, contempt, words you didn’t really want to say never disappear. They hide in our breasts. They fall to the bottom, like “noise” in a handmade lemonade. Everything is fine on the surface. When you go on vacation, you hold hands, you eat craft ice cream, you don’t remember it. However, it is enough to stir the bottle for these “noises” to come to the fore again.
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What do you think, how much of this “noise” must be in the lemon juice, so that you do not want to reach for it? I do not know that. Everyone has a limit, so you can’t count the number of times you can scream that you regret going on your first date with him or that it’s over and you leave. You don’t know how many times you can tell her to fuck off – just once, maybe thirty?
Actually, it doesn’t matter. The only important thing is not to produce experiences that hurt and hurt. This does not mean that you shouldn’t talk about difficult and Maintain a Relationship painful things. This means that you should make an effort to talk about them softly, with care, without wanting to hit someone else .
Arguments end up on the same emotional level as they begin. It’s best to turn off CAPS LOCK.